Wizard Magazine Card Christmas Eve in Brooklyn

‘Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mellow, Not a creature was stirrin’, I had a gun unda my pillow.

When up on da roof, I head somethin’ pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, “Ay, keep it down!”

When what to my Wanderin’ eyes should appear, But dat hairy elf Vinny, And eight friggin’ reindeer

Wit’ a bad hackin’ cough, And the stencha burped beer, I knew in a moment, Yo, da Kringle wuz here!

Wit’ a slap to dere snouts, And a yank on dere manes, He cursed and he shouted, And called dem by name.

Yo Tony, Yo-Frankie, Yo Sally, Yo Vito, Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!

As I drew out my gun And hid by da bed, Down came his friggin’ boot On da top a my head.

His eyes were all bloodshot, His b.o. wuz scary, His breath wuz like sewage, He had a mole dat wuz hairy.

He spit in my eye, And he twisted my head. He soon let me know I should consider myself head.

Den pointin’ a fat finga Right unda my nose, He let out some gas, And up da chimney he rose

He sprang to his sleigh, Obscenities screamin’, And away dey all flew, Before he troo dem a beatin’.

But I heard him exclaim, Or better yet grump, Merry Christmas to all, Bite me, ya hump!